Lately my mind has been on love a lot, probably because it's something that I've been looking for more now than I have previously. Regardless, there has been a huge discussion for decades based on the racial dating, and every few years the topic seems to make its appearance into my life. It's attachment to me comes along with my own personal preference in regards to the men I date, have dated, or seek out.
My little tale starts with the first few instances of my mother trying to control some aspect of my life and belittle my father all in one fatal blow. Her words to me were always the same as the years progressed (surprisingly it would change recently). She would stare at me with her haughty, "holier-than-thou" dark brown eyes and say, "Marry a rich white man. Don't marry a poor black man like your father."
At six, I had no clue what that really meant. I loved my dad and was a daddy's girl for as long as I could remember. But race (or wealth) never seemed to be much of a factor in my life. In my kindergarten, I received my first kiss (albeit, it was on my cheek) from a little boy with his blond hair in the hideous mushroom cut of the 90's. But as I grew up, I made friends from different races, never really seeing much of a difference between us.
I did, however, notice that my attraction for the opposite sex was geared more towards boys who were white. I didn't think it was strange or abnormal. It was just, I am a girl, he is a boy, and I think he's cute. Later I would find out that apparently, it is perceived by others as strange. I found out that black men would make comments as loud as they possibly could at the fact that I was walking and holding the hand of a white man. That older white couples would blatantly stare as if we were a two headed creature. That my female black coworkers would make a fuss about who I dated and why I was "a race traitor".
None of it made sense to me. I never considered it to be any different from them meeting someone and finding that there was an attraction.
There is always a sense of fear that you aren't good enough, the desire to make their parents like you a bit more than any other girlfriend they may have brought over in the past. The thought that they won't take the initiative because their parents or friends would prefer them to date "their own kind". The idea that they may not even be attracted to you because of all the stigmas that are just against you at every turn.
A lot of the time, first encounters can barely even happen because of some fear. And even if you've established a relationship, there is still more fear on top of that. The worst part of it is, finding a guy that you really like. Wanting to be with this guy, getting to know him. And then finding out that, although he finds you funny, charming, smart, beautiful, and all the other adjectives he can possibly think of, he still won't date you. But, that doesn't stop him from trying to sleep with you. But that is something that happens no matter what race you or the other person belongs to.
Personally, I don't get why it's considered interracial dating. Races don't exist to me. I date and am attracted to whomever. It is no different that two people of the same race (or even gender) being attracted to one another. And yet, more so than any other coupling, there seems to be this black cloud hanging over the thought of white men and black women together. It's just ridiculous.
No comments:
Post a Comment